The Adventures of the Straw Hat and The Narwhal
by Fury of the Acheri
Summary: what will happen when the crew finds out that one piece has been eaten by a Narwhal, and do watch out for the pedo-gecko. I hope hilarity ensues because honestly i don't know.  CrackFic


Nami was enjoying a peaceful day on the Going Merry. The sun was warm but not too hot or bright, and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Nami was enjoying a delicious ice cold smoothie made by Sanji for her and Robin, the newest edition to the strawhat crew. Even if it was kind of a cliche day Nami didn't mind, she wanted to enjoy it because with a certain captain around the peace wasn't going to last...

"STOP THAT NARWHAL!"

Nami sighed opening one eye to watch Luffy run up into the kitchen. A few moments later the ship started groan. Suddenly the ship lurched violently to the left. Nami watched as Chopper and Ussop barrel-rolled past her, Sanji flew past after them and accidentally fell off the port-side into the sea.

"Luffy what are you doing!" Nami raced up into the kitchen to see Luffy struggling with the ships controls.

"Nami quick! One Piece just got eaten up by that giant narwhal!" Luffy was frantic, Nami could see he was deadly serious, but that didn't stop her from doubting Luffy's sanity.

Nami pinched the bridge of her nose "Luffy I don't know if you've been eating shrooms or something like that, but why would a narwhal eat One Piece? that's just retarded!"

"But Nami its true! Chopper was talking a narwhale and it said that it had eaten One Piece. It just has to be One Piece we're looking for!" Luffy looked up at Nami with puppy-dog-eyes begging her to let him chase the creature, sadly Luffy was probably going to beat the crap out of it when he caught it.

"Luf- wait what was that noise?"

"hn?" Luffy frowned "what noise?"

Nami turned scanning the kitchen which was empty apart from the two of them. She narrowed her eyes, one of the crates that sanji kept the food supply in was rustling. Nami took a couple of steps towards the offending box, but stopped. From around the side of the crate a pair of golden eyes was watching her, its eyes trained on her chest.

"AHH PEDO-GECKO!"

"LUFFY I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO THROW THAT THING OVERBOARD!" Nami snapped bashing Luffy over the head with her fist.

"ouchie..."

"kechikechikechi!" The thing behind the crate moved forwards. It was indeed a gecko, but before it could do anything weird or R18 Luffy picked it up and

and

and

..

..

.

ate it.

Nami made a sweat-drop face at him: -.-'.

"Alright Luffy we can chase the narwhal, just promise me you won't eat another live animal in front of me again"

"YOSHA! Lets go!" Luffy raced out of the kitchen to spread the word. Nami sighed following him out the door, today was definitely not going to be peaceful as she had hoped.

Nami watched from the bow as the Merry Go gained speed and slowly catching up with the Narwhal. When it came it sight her mouth nearly fell to the ground. It was HUGE! About twice the length of the ship it dwarfed the Merry Go in comparison. Ussop had already wheeled out the cannons and loaded them up with nets after explaining to Luffy that they needed to capture it not kill the poor beast. Sanji wanted to kill it anyway, Luffy had attacked the fridge with his bottomless appetite and the cheff was low on stocks yet again. Zoro didn't care as he couldn't fight it.

"ATACK!" Ussops quavering voice rang out "ATACK WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! while I just watch from over here where its safe..."

Chopper turned around "eh? but Ussop don't you want to get One Piece?"

Ussop laughed "Of course I do! but I can't get to close to this creature, didn't I tell you about how I defeated a whole pod of Narwhals after they look my One Piece?"

"WOW! you have your own legendary treasure too!" Chopper went sparkly eyed with awe "your so awesome Ussop!"

While that conversation had taken place the rest of the crew (excluding Nami as she was still getting over Luffy eating the gecko) had beaten up the narwhal and Luffy was demanding to know where the One Piece was. As nobody on the ship could talk to the Narwhal except for Chopper he was yanked away from Ussops exciting tale and placed in front of the Narwhal to translate for a conversation that went something like this:

Narwhal: booohayaya squeak!

Chopper: is unhappy at this unfair treatment. He wants to cal his lawyer.

Luffy: Denied until the One piece is given to ME!

Narwhal: Yayaboohaha

Chopper: he says wtf to put it polietly

Luffy: Stupid Narwhal

Narwhal: wowwobooyayay

Chopper: he says 'oh i remember you want the one piece i ate? well here it is'

Luffy: YAY

And without further ado the Narwhal started coughing and hacking up phlem which landed on the ship and covered Sanji and Zoro in thick yellow mucus. After several minutes of the horrific noises something small and rectangle shaped came out of the the Narwhals mouth and landed on the deck. Robin bent to pick it up

"captain-san this is a book" she said glancing at the title which read 'One piece: Hiriluk's Cherry blossoms' Robin looked up at Luffy "it seems to be a recording of our travels through the grandline"

"but its not One Piece?"

"no"

"awww, you can chuck it out then" Luffy said disappointed "damn it wasn't even chocolate"

And with that the whole One Piece world fell into a very cliche plothole filled with man eating birds and Chopper-Franky pairings the horror was only ended by the death of all the yaoi fans which by the magical powers of all the sane people created a new magical world where unicorns had five horns and the radio only played Bad Touch.

It was fair to say everyone lived happily ever after.


End file.
